It's been a harried couple of days. Jon was on his way down to Charelston on Friday when he was in an accident. He was about ten minutes from the office when it happened. Matthew and I had spent most of Friday runnig around and were in for the night when he called to say he was at the hospital.

He has several facial abrrasions and stiches in his inner and outer lip area. He was wearing his seat belt which probably saved his life or at least saved him from much more serious injuries. I'm not really sure I'll give the details of his accident here. It was not his fault and several witnesses said they couldn't believe what they saw and that there was nothing he could've done to prevent it, none-the-less it had a very sad outcome. Jon is doing very well all things considered. He's still in some pain, but none of his abbrasions are infected. I think it will just take some time to heal physically and emotionally.

When we arrived at the hotel late Friday night we both said, "It just wasn't right." We had both felt very unsettled in the morning before we went about our activites for the day. I couldn't have said what was going to happen, but I wasn't surprised when he called. He was also feeling very unsettled. He said after we left(M and I were off to see a friend) he just sort of waled around the house. He had left us several sweet notes to find when we got home.

I called a friend of mine quickly on Friday, just to pass on that Jon wouldn't be calling his co-worker later that night like he had planned. When I spoke with her yesterday she said a really strange thing had happened. Earlier last week her very dear friend called and asked if Jon was ok. K told her Jon was fine and asked why. T said she had had a very vivid dream in which Jon and I were in a car and I looked over and said, "Jon's not breathing. He's dead." So, T was calling to make sure everything was ok. Then she talked to her again Saurday and said Jon had been in accident and that he was alittle scratched up, but it wasn't anything major. T asked again if she was sure Jon was ok. At the time K only had the care details I had given her when I first talked to Jon (I didn't get the full story until later Friday night). Apparently, T sometimes has these prophetic or strange dreams, but they are usually about people who are really close to her. She's only met Jon twice, so that made it even more spine tingling. (K and T's husbands work together and Jon has just started working with them) When K actaully got the full story, she was just like, "Wow. I have to tell you about this call earlier in the week from T." I had a serious case of the chills.

This is the second potentially fatal car accident Jon has been in, so he's starting to think he's supposed to live where he can walk or bike. Both accidents (the other one was about 5 or 6 years ago) he has walked away with little injury(although this last one was definitely more)

I know this is totally disjointed, I just had to get it down.

I've always wondered homw someone could suffer from insomnia. I mean, not be able to sleep...impossible! Now, I've become one of them. I wouldn't say I exactly suffer from insomnia, but my sleep has felt so disrupted lately. It feels like months since I've had a peaceful, restful sleep. Last night M woke up around 1 AM hysterically crying, "I want na-nas. I want na-nas." When I tried to soothe him and offered to nurse he only cried more. He was totally disoriented and inconsolable. Finally, I carried him cradled into the kitchen and then back into the bedroom where I was able to nurse him rocking in the bed. He was back asleep in no time, but it was a strange experience. Nothing like that has ever happened before.

It took me a little time to get back asleep after that. While he doesn't wake up like that every night, I'm definitely more aware of his nocturnal stirrings. I think that's the real reason I'm not waking up feeling rested. He's been nursing a *ton* at night and I'm just more aware of his presence. I think he's working on a couple of molars and the whole getting ready to turn two thing has him a little out of whack.

I alternate between feelings of irritation and guilty. Irritated that he's so needy at night and guilty that I feel such negativity toward him in the mid-night hours. He's just very hard for me to connect with sometimes. He's going through a seriuos grabbing, hair pulling and hitting phase right now. When my brother, his wife and M's cousin (who's two months older) were here last month, Jeff said he was really aggressive. Granted they parent totally different thatn us and I'm not sure how much they are in tune with the developmental changes occurring at that age, but I felt awful. Matthew has to have me right there with him, shadowing him and talking him through his interactions with other children. In all fairness, he's not *always* engaging in the above noted behvaior, it just feels like that to me and it's really frustrating. I feel like I am totally failing as a parent when I see him behaving like that-'Nobody elses children behave like that or with such intensity, why does mine' thinking, which I know is totally counterproductive. And really, in my heart, I know I'm a good mom and I'm giving him the skills he needs to negotiate thiese situations independently when he is able to, it just feels good to vent.

Um, hallllloooooo

Jon's parents stopeed by with MaMaw on their way back to Shelby. We had a nice, quick visit and it's always wonderful to see Jon's grandmother. We're not as close since our move back into the big city, but we still ry to see her every month. She is such a remarkable woman and I feel it is so wonderful that Matthew gets to be a part of his great grandmother's life.

Anyway, they brought Matthew a little birthday gift and while it is plastic, it was still very thoughtful. Jon's mom even said, "Now, I know it's not wooden, but..." It is a Brio dump truck with another trailer dumps that hitches on to the back of the main truck. Needless to say, it has been a very popular play piece. I found out today it is a great outside toy! :)

The package was wrapped in this wintery paper with red tissue paper underneth. Somehow this peice of tissue paper made it's way into our room, which is not the least bit surprising. This bright red pice of paper is sitting almost directly in the path of the doorway. We actually have to step *around* it when we walk into the room. That is just so us. We're not slobby people, in fact the rest of my house is quite neat and tidy, including the remainder of the bedroom, but we actually go out of our way to avoid simple tasks , like picking up the red tissue paper. Seriously, it's not the first time we've walked around, avoided, ignored or otherwise allowed our sight to be temporarily blinded by some simple item in the middle of our lives. It's just what we do. So, if you don't mind, would you please step around that tissue paper when you come in?

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Jon's out of town, which is always tough for me. It's only for the night, but I'll be happy when the trips to Charelston are a thing of the past. He was also gone last week, but my aunt and cousin were in town, so it didn't really count. We had a fabulous visit and I got to sit and talk with my cousin after over nine years. Long story, suffice to say my family of origin is a wee bit fucked and has theis dysfunctional pattern of outing family memebers. My aunt's family happended to be the victum of such dysfunction nine years ago and I have choosen to break this cycle for myself.

Anyway, back to our day. I always try to find ways to fill our day and make them a little out of the ordinary, just to keep me fresh. We ran some errands this morning, finally got around to getting some paint on Matthew's little wooden table and chair set, made brownies, tromped throgh the leaves and played outside. We had potato latkes for dinner, although I told Matthew it wasn't something you ate regularly, not exactly the healthiest of meals, but we enjoyed them at our indoor picni. We had to have a living room picnic because above mentioned table and chairs are out oc commision until we get them finished. I wanted to work on them tonight, but I am *so* exhausted. The thought of develing into that project holds zero appeal, so I'll just finish them later this week with Jon.

I chose this apple green color. Jon threw on a coat of white spary paint several months ago. A family I used to do child care for gave them to us when they moved up North. I actually asked Pandorah for them because I'd always loved the set and she gave them to us happily. I had visions of do some fun artistic painting on them, but I think we'll stick with simple. I did pull a color card with a complimetery color combination using the green that I just adored-pumpkin orange and this sunny yellow. I would love to paint the chair the yellow and orange and the table the green, but I can't justify spening $9 on a quart of a paint that's only going to paint a chair.

Matthew loved painting and was very serious about it for a time, then he started trying to paint himself and finger painting the table top, so we got to a stopping point and he took a tubby. I think they'll look great when there all finshed, but it's just not going to happen tonight...

On that note, I think I'll retire to the bed. I'm wondering if I have any light reading readliy available. I just finished _Good Harbor_ by Anita Diament(? _The Red Tent_), which was a quick fluffy read. I have _Voluntary Simplicity_ by Duane Elgin and _Dumbing Us Down_ by John Taylor Gatto currently going, but both of those would require *way* too much mental energy, of which I'm very low on right now, so it's off to scavage.

Well, it seems fall has really arrived. i don't think there are any hot days left hiding, so it's offical fall mode. I'm a wee bit envious of those who have snow! It's likely we'll not see any this winter, there was only a small dusting last year. I love fall here. The sky stays that vibrant blue and with the leaves contrasting it, it's such a beautiful sight. We're still enjoying the outside, although I must say I find it rather amusing that the park seems rather empty in the morning...it's not THAT cold!

Matthew has a little case of the sniffles. We got his hair cut last night. It's the most we've cut. he looks like Joey Lawarence-The Gimme A Break years. J has been wroking on him saying "Whoa". M is chatting up a storm. I hear "I wanna see" many times a day. He's also started noticing possesion like, "Mommy shoes", "Daddy coat". When did he get so big?!

We've had a little shake-up with J's job. He's been transitioning to work from home with a friend's company and J talked to his boss about it today. His boss completely freaked and said many hurtful and out of line things to Jon. So, he may be working from home sooner than later. It's really a shame that it's gone down like this, as J was trying to give him some transition time (Jon's never kept it a secret that he wanted to work for himself, his boss has always been concerned about being left high and dry, which is exactly what he was trying to prevent!). It's just rather shitty that he's being treated so poorly.

I've been thinking about Corrie's post today. You know I've written and said some pretty crappy things about/to people and jumped on the bandwagon a couple of times. Certainly things I'd never say to someone face to face, but in this medium it suddenly seemed alright. That's one reason I've tried to step away from the main event. I don't like the way I see people treat one another and I don't like how I let myself get sucked in to the various dramas. Not that I'm an active participent, but sitting there reading and wasting time one something that really won't matter the next day.

Finally, I was reading Dirt's recent post at her blog. You know, I feel totally inadequate when I read soemthing like that. It really sounds like a home of joy and fun. I want to create and feel so at harmony with nature, but I'm not there yet. I'm working on it and will get there in time.

It's been so long since I blogged, that I've spent the last couple of minutes trying to remember my password! We've kept ourselves quite busy and I've found my computer time very limited during the day. Which is actually good, as I really think the computer is a major time suck. The problem is I keep thinking of things I want to ask about, but I just never get to YAAPS to do it. Well that, and I feel bad that I'm in such major lurk mode there that I think my user name is going to get deleted soon. Who am I to just pop in and chit chat away?

It's been on my mind lately because I'm reading _The Well Trained Mind_ and I want to discuss it. It's quite different from much of the HS theory I've read this far and while it seems like so muchm there are aspects that really resonate with me. Jon's brother and SIL have just switched their HS curriculum to Classical Education, so I'm anxiuos to hear how it is going.

We've been nusy. Matthew is becoming such a little person. We just spent the weekend at the beach with Jon's family celebrating his grandmother's 83 birthday. It was a very special celebration and nice to see everyone again. Matthew *loved* the sand and would've spent all day digging around and exploring in it. He came in the messiest of all the children...I love it! His new early rising status meant we got to enjoy the sun rise from the balcony. We got the king size bed since we needed the room. It pays to have that baby in bed with you! :)

I've been spending lots of time reading, building block structures and trying to get some things done for myslef. I finally made an NAET appointment. I;m not sure how useful it will be, but something MUST give with my skin. This is sort of a last ditch effort. I'm not sure what comes after this, but it looks pretty bad some days. I also *finally8 made an appointment with a therapist. The timing turned out to be really good, as things with my mother seem to have come to a head and I need an objective party to bounce ideas off of. I am hoping it will be beneficial. I also need to pick up my new glasses tomorrow. I swear I thought I was going blind, but I just needed an updated Rx.

Our trip to WA was so fantastic. I just cannot describe the peacefulness and clamness we felt on the island. It was such a magical place and had so many beautiful qualties physically and spiritually. I think I'll leave it at that, as anything I else I say will only diminish its beauty.

just stopping in to say the internet is amazing!! i'm checking in from a small juice bar/ice cream shop at friday harbor on san juan island. this will have to be short, as we have a ferry to catch in a couple of minutes. i am *loving* island life. it is incredible, beautiful and so calming out here... will write more later

just stopping in to say the internet is amazing!! i'm checking in from a small juice bar/ice cream shop at friday harbor on san juan island. this will have to be short, as we have a ferry to catch in a couple of minutes. i am *loving* island life. it is incredible, beautiful and so calming out here... will write more later

I have royally sucked at keeping my blog current. Per my usual style of my life in waves it has just not been something I’ve wanted to put the energy into (and I know all of my faithful readers, all two or three or you, have been disappointed with my neglect). So, I’m going to take an official sabbatical, as opposed to this rather unofficial silence I’ve been keeping.

Lest anyone worry, it really has nothing to do with the current happenings in Internet land. I am a tad tired of discussing (or seeing) the same stuff, ad museum to end up at the same place. I echo all the sentiments on acting like the adults we are (or are supposed to be). Intentional or not, we’ve probably all said hurtful things to another via our keyboards. I do find it a little ironic that the same people’s names (KWK, Lisa and/or Rhonda come to mind) are continually brought up when posting style, brutal honesty and all the other ‘buzz’ words that typically surround these conversations, are the very people who willingly admit, “Hell ya I said that or that’s what I think.” At least you know where they are coming from, as opposed to ambiguous comments (that I’ve certainly been guilty of). It may not be my style, but I respect that it is theirs (and I’m sorry to use the collective term, I fully recognize they are 3 separate people with their own unique personalities). I’m adult enough to take responsibility for where *I* participate in Internet land, what *I* say and to (finally) acknowledge this is the *Internet*, not real life. It is unrealistic for me to come to this medium wanting or expecting the interactions I have to be like the ones in my real life.

I have seen people get their feelings hurt at YAAPS, unnecessarily or rightly so depending on your view, but there’s what- 280 some people with registered user names? It’s not utopia folks, disagreements, clashing personalities and all the other dynamics that come with a large group are present at YAAPS. It’s part of the package in a large community and there’s nothing that can be done to keep YAAPS immune from those problems. I think Kerry and Debra have done an awesome job and have made YAAPS a pretty neat place to gather. They’ve worked hard to make it a community and they’ve succeeded in letting the *community* decide what kind of place it is (which IMO, overall is a comfy place). All the shit they put up with…not a job I’d like.

Just wanted to share my .02 with hopefully a little more clarity than I usually manage with my little climbing Matthew helper during the day.

Now, I seriously need to sign off. We’re supposed to move Saturday and I’m only freaking out slightly (it is only Tuesday after all). Jon is in the kitchen wrapping dishes and quiet honestly I am a little overwhelmed at all that’s on our plate right now, which is the real reason behind my little sabbatical. Moving this weekend, closing next week and then heading to Seattle and the San Juan Islands the next week (wow am I’m looking forward to that!!) is a lot for this mellow girl. So, when things settle down a bit for us, I’ll be back hopefully a little more regularly.